It was the lost summer because our little family went through some wonderful, difficult and stressful times - all at once. It's like our life had been too boring for the past 8 years (since we were first married) and God decided to shake things up a bit for us.
First, we had Dex. Our little sweet, sweet Dex. He was amazing from the beginning...an easy baby (considering how difficult all infants are the first three months). I, however, experience post-partum anxiety immediately following his birth and basically didn't sleep for three months (while he was blissfully sleeping away each night in his crib. That was torturous for me. I needed to be more for Dex and Anna and I wasn't the Mom that they needed right then and there.
Then, when Dex was about four weeks old, I found Anna in the bathroom bleeding...yes, bleeding in her stool and all over the bathroom. Bill had just left for a business trip to San Diego and I rushed Anna to the Children's Memorial Hospital Emergency room. Thank God for my parents, who both rushed to our house to be with Dex.
What was to be a few tests, turned into days of horrendous procedures. My little 3-year-old Anna had to endure rectal exams, MRI's and even a colonoscopy (I won't even begin to desribe how horrible that was). She didn't eat or drink anything for 52 hours during all of it. She was the bravest person I know. Bill made it back in a day and we stayed with our baby.
She was diagnosed with something called Meckel's Diverticulum and surgery was immediately recommended. So, with my parents again watching Dex for a few days, we went back to the Hospital to have the surgery done. Let's just say, I was a wreck. You never know how deeply and desperately you love your children until you see them in pain...I saw Anna hurt and I wanted that hurt to go away. Actually, I wanted to take on the hurt so she didn't have to feel any of this. And, at the same time, my baby boy was at home needing his Mommy as he started out his new life. A mother's guilt, fear, sadness, exhaustion and confusion all rolled into one ugly package.
Long story short, Anna had the surgery and what they thought she had, she didn't have...they found nothing. The story is still an open book. The veteran surgical team assured us that Anna is a healthy child, but somewhat of a medical mystery (something no parent ever wants to hear). So, after weeks of back-and-forth, we took Anna home and she began to recover. Her scar is very small and she is amazingly healthy.
In the back of my mind I always fear something like this will happen again, but I just can't concentrate on that. I have too many other really, really good things happening in our lives. I have two very healthy children that I now know, more than ever before, how much I love them. A love I really can't ever put into words...it's beyond dying for them. It's almost like wanting to jump inside of their bodies and love them from the inside out. That's the kind of deep love I have for my kids. I guess in all of our experiences this summer, that is one gift I discovered and I'll hold on forever.
As for the rest of my family, Bill was my rock as always. He comforted me through hours, long days and endless nights of cying, self-doubt, obsessive worry and fear of everything. He didn't always know what to say, but he was there...loving me and always reminding me that things will get better and I will be myself again. I can't imagine going through life...the real stuff, the tough stuff...without Bill by my side. This summer just proved to the both of us that we react to and solve problems together as a team. Our family is the most important thing in our lives and we will stop at nothing to make sure it works...that our kids are safe, healthy, happy and loved, and that we always have our love. That love gave us so much strength. That is also a gift that I rediscovered in a whole new way this summer.
And, my parents. I guess you really never stop being a parent even when your kids are old and have their own little ones. Gaga and Bapa were "there" and didn't stop being there until it was all done...my post-partum, Anna's health issues, Dex's infancy. They truly stepped up and helped in ways that I can't ever thank them properly. All I can say is...it's good to have family close. You never know when you need a babysitter or a really massive shoulder to cry on.
This story and this summer has a happy ending. Anna is healthy, I am healthy and am myself again and Dex is growing and a happy 5-moth-old sleeping through the night. We were still able to do some really fun things this summer (which I've posted some pictures) and life is back to normal.
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